god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
time to smoke my breakfast
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
