I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
