I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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