who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
