He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
