I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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