What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
