I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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