What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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