can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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