Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
