I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
