whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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