I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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