you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I didn't notice because vodka
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
