i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
