one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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