Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
