Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
