ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
