You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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