yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
