yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hotel room ftw
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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