Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
