Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
