I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
