somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
