My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize