dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
