No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
