I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
