We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
