those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
