i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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