all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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