My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
