Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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