Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
