I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
