2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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