this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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