i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
