You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
