and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
