he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
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Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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