you traded sex for a burrito?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
