somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
