You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
