i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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