theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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