Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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