gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
