I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
