I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
false alarm, still single
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
