Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
