I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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