my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
